walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
