You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
