K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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