yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Alive.
So much puke
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
