Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
