Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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