I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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