i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
