I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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