She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
