hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize