I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
