I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
