Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
