I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
