I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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