I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
