Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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