I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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