am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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