you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
