Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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