You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
