mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
