no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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