but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
