u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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