nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize