What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
