She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
