I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
