just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
