look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is classic penis vs brain.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
