My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
