I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
