theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
