Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
