My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
