hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Even my vagina gasped.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
