my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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