i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
