Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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