My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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