I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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