Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
