idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
