Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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