That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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