it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
