I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
