Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
