Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
