it hurts more in the daytime
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
