My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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