dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
