summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
