yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
