guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
