my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Randomize
