I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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