great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
