those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
