There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Randomize
