I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
