you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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