next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
