dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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