You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
