i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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