any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
