I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
