I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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