I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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