You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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