Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
