Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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