You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize