Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
