Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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