I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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