if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
