She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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