What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
