I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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