she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
