Pants 0. Shit 1.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
