I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
