God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
