there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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