physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I touched a dick in church today
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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