She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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